Watch out!

post # 319 — March 1, 2007 — a Careers, Client Relations, General, Managing post

A manager I once worked with said that his key talent was not listening to people, but WATCHING them — clients, colleagues, superiors and subordinates — and understanding them better than other people would be able to do just by listening.

I was reminded of this insight as I reflected on my experience as a juror. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I had been put into a strange situation for me. For the 5 days of the trial, I was forced to be an OBSERVER, not a participant.

Until the time came to deliberate on the verdict, I could not ask questions, I could not intervene, I could not discuss things. I was forced to be a WATCHER as well as a listener.

It taught me a lot. I earn my living through words, but I am increasingly coming to believe that we don’t best reveal ourselves (or judge others) through words, but through other means.

I’ve never been trained to “observe”, I’ve never read a book on it, and I don’t have a natural proclivity for it. My wife can be with people at a party or family gathering and tell you things about what they are feeling that were never said out loud. She just “notices.”

Try this exercise: Just watch people in a meeting and see if you can answer these questions about them:

• How self-confident is this person?
• How would you describe their level of optimism or pessimism?
• What emotional needs do they have?
• What type of role would they function best in?
• Is this someone you would trust?
• Would other people want to work with this person?

Even if you’ve never been trained in psychology and never read a book on body language, I’ll bet you’ll get very close to the truth.

Which raises a series of interesting questions:

1. How good a watcher are you?
2. What makes someone a good observer?
3. Can YOU figure someone out by observing them?
4. What do YOU look for?