I'm an observer.  Observing requires you to remain passive for a time and most of us struggle with that.  I hate having phone conversations because I lose part of the conversation by not being able to observe the person talking.  You can tell if a person is incompetent or simply nervous by observing and my mom says you can tell if someone is lying by watching their eyes... I'm not that good but she is.  I look at the eyes and the hands mostly but I've never read much on the subject... I guess it's just my nature.

Thanks, silver. Anyone else out there able to help the rest of us on HOW you get better at this?

I wonder what people can tell about me by just watching?  And is there any way I can affect what they think from one day to the next and from situation to situation?  Or am I hard-wired?

We can certainly improve observation skills. After all we teach them to several different groups of people now, inclucing police officers. In my supervisory skills programs we teach some material on how to understand your people better.  Here are some things in that program.

It helps to have some kind of easy-to-use system that you can apply.  There are a variety of social styles systems, all based on Jung's personality types.  My favorite is the one outlined in Tony Alessandra's book, the Platinum Rule.

Listen to the language people use.  It often gives you an idea how they think.  People will also tell you what they're interested in.

There are no magic solutions to any of this, but by improving the way you observe people you can increase the odds that your contacts with them will be pleasant and productive.

You'll notice a lot of things if you watch a person doing something. But will other things will be noticed if they know that they are being observed? 

Does anyone know of any good references on watching, observing? What materials are used to train police officers?

And yes, Heisenberg's principle probably applies; the act of observing alters that being observed. But it's better then not being able to understand what you're already seeing, right?

Hi David, Paul Ekman has spent a lifetime studying facial expressions and their connection to emotion, especially when the communication is unintended.  I highly, highly recommend his research, books and CDs to improve powers of observation about people.

http://www.paulekman.com/

Thanks, Marcel. I'll check his work out.

I've always loved people watching, too!

I believe the best way to coach and mentor skills development is through observation and feedback.  This requires a well thought out methodology. Based on specific criteria you note facts and your reactions, not your judgments.  For example: "Jane sometimes puts her hand in front of her mouth when its her turn to speak.  It bothers me that I can't hear her points." It sounds simple but I've seen many coaches fail because they can't quiet their voice of judgment: "Jane's body language proves she is  timid and the weak link in the team".  If a coach is willing, she can quiet the voice of judgment by sticking with the methodology and observing when her ego is interfering.  

I like to practice in the midst of strangers by 'not' trying to figure anything out, but instead just feeling the energy of the individuals and the group.  While observing, relaxing and focusing on my breathing helps me deepen the feeling of human connection and 'oneness'.

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I also prefer seeing the person directly over having him on phone. When you watch the reaction you can see, if he understood you and how he likes what you talk about.
Paul Ekman is one of the best-known authors who describe the body language. But also Allan Pease wrote some books about body language (I don't know the English titles of the books, but searching for "Allan Pease" will help here). Besides that the books also helped me understanding women especially my girlfriend, but that's a different topic...

I really wonder that you never read a book about that topic while I read a lot about "listening" in your books. But in nature observing/watching is very important e.g. when you are getting to know a new person, you try to talk about something and you watch if you like his reaction. If not you might prefer to switch to a different topic in the conversation.

As far as i know women know that watching is important, they actually have some skills to understand other persons just by watching them. They are more sensitive to their environment. So as you might experienced yourself it is harder to tell a lie to a woman than a man.